ICYMI My Autistic Brain: Tips for Dealing with Perseveration (Repet...

This post is both for my fellow autists and those who know and love us.

An aspect of the holiday season is a return to impoverished thinking. I have been financially stable for more years now than I was unstable thanks to my work ethic and my partner's marketable skills. Together we are a solid team who gets it done. We have excellent credit because payments are made on time. We work hard not to carry a credit card balance, although we sometimes face surprises (such as the need for a crowned tooth). Yet I woke up this morning locked in financial perseverative thinking.

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Dictionary.com defines "perseverate" as:

per·sev·er·ate
pərˈsevəˌrāt/Submit
verb PSYCHOLOGY
repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.

It's like having a lightbulb go off in your head. . .

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. . .that shows you all the other related lightbulbs in your head that need to be turned on.

My brain has been talking to me about finances for 16 hours and counting. I can't stop thinking about numbers, doing tallies in my head, calculating and checking invoices for balances, accounts for money I owe. This round of mathematical torture (because that's what it is to not be able to think about anything else) was brought on by a miscommunication between myself and my partner, and has been propelled by anxiety because I grew up financially unstable and very aware of it.

I fear my children sharing that experience, although it has made me quite resourceful and capable. And so my brain does Math. Grabs numbers, makes numbers, fixates my eyes on numbers. My eyes actually hurt from being squeezed toward additions and subtractions I don't actually need to make. I feel like my brain is being squeezed. I want it to stop, so I am writing. About numbers.

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It's helping.

There are ways to get ahead of perseveration. If you experience this, here is what I do:

1. Notice or have a trusted person point out that it is happening using agreed upon language that supports you emotionally.

Perseveration can be embarrassing. Set yourself up for success when you realize you are in it.

2. Acknowledge that you are stuck in a loop.

Once you see that you are on repeat, you can start to see the boundaries of what you are thinking about and/or why it's happening.

3. Take some space to finish your thoughts.

This is tricky because perseveration doesn't want to end. But if you write down "I am perseverating on _____ because I am anxious about/remembering ______, you can usually find the edges and begin breaking free.

4. Go quiet.

No need to silence yourself if someone is actually interested in what you are saying, but if you are talking at the back of someone's head or irritating even yourself, remove yourself to a place you can safely examine and complete thoughts and work toward redirection.

Okay, big thing here. This isn't so you can appear "typical." Be you. But if perseveration is hurting you or blocking your relationships, these tips may help. An example is that sometimes my partner tells me I'm repeating myself. Sometimes he listens until I'm done. He usually knows when I need to say what I'm perseverating on, and when I can break the loop and redirect. This has taken practice and patience. And the truth is, if I don't practice being quiet, I can't practice listening. My partner needs his turn being heard too.

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For anyone out there who is just learning about perseveration, be aware of the following:

1. The repetition isn't on purpose.

It's compulsory. We have something in our heads we are teasing out and we have to say everything. Try not to get irritated with us because our brains are wired differently.

2. You can support us by repeating back to us what we are repeating.

Knowing we are heard can make a huge difference in our ability to break out of our thought loop(s).

3. Let us know you are interested in what we are saying but we can't have this conversation right now.

But be honest. If you're not interested, simply thank us for wanting to share and let us know you have another obligation at the moment.

4. Know perseveration is often accompanied by pressured speech.

This means we may not see or hear your polite cues that you need to disengage. You may have give us a firm but gentle physical signal that you need to move on. This supports us in redirecting ourselves (or finding someone else to share with.)

Wikipedia.com defines "pressure of speech" this way:

Pressure of speech is a tendency to speak rapidly and frenziedly, as if motivated by an urgency not apparent to the listener. The speech produced, sometimes called pressured speech, is difficult to interrupt. It may be too fast, or too tangential for the listener to understand. It is an example of cluttered speech.

5. Don't ask if we are okay. That implies there's something wrong. Ask how we are feeling.

Be aware that emotions do accompany perseveration, but they may not be what you expect. Often there is no "problem" causing perseveration. We are just excited by a thought and need to tell everyone everything and get all the details exactly right. And because we may have some social blindness, again, we may not notice the cues that you aren't interested. In fact, in my case, I often interpret lack of interest as lack of understanding. I mean, if you knew what I knew, you would be excited too, right?

ICYMI My Autistic Brain: Tips for Dealing with Perseveration (Repetitive Thoughts and Actions)

1. Notice or have a trusted person point out that it is happening using agreed upon language that supports you emotionally.

2. Acknowledge that you are stuck in a loop.

3. Take some space to finish your thoughts.

4. Go quiet.

1. The repetition isn't on purpose.

2. You can support us by repeating back to us what we are repeating.

3. Let us know you are interested in what we are saying but we can't have this conversation right now.

4. Know perseveration is often accompanied by pressured speech.

5. Don't ask if we are okay. That implies there's something wrong. Ask how we are feeling.

If you perseverate, what helps you redirect? What does it feel like to you?

If you love someone who perseverates, how do you support them? What support do you need?

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