I sometimes get an eerie feeling when I run across the Agano River bridge.
Last month as I was running across one night, this scenario ran through my mind where someone jumped off of the bridge to kill themselves, and I was the only one around. I had to ask myself what I would really do in such a situation. I came to the conclusion that no matter how daunting and deadly the waters seemed (it was cold and windy that night, and the current was extremely powerful), it would be awful hard to live with myself afterwards if I didn't jump in after the person to help.
The suicide rate is pretty high in Japan. Just a couple years ago my friend sent me a photo message I didn't want to receive. It was a kind of white spot in the river just below his high rise. Someone had jumped from a nearby bridge, or floated in from the seaside. He had checked with binoculars to make sure, but told me once he saw the legs he quickly looked away, his suspicions already confirmed, and not wanting to see the face. I deleted the picture. Such an eerie and bizarre feeling.
As I was running along my bridge tonight, I came across something strange.
A bouquet of Chrysanthemums, bundled together in a clear plastic wrapping, tied to the bridge's walking path handrail. Someone had jumped. Something had happened. Chrysanthemums are traditionally a flower for the dead, here in Japan. These are the flowers one brings to a funeral. Had my eerie feelings been related to this incident? Had I been nearby? Maybe these things all were coincidental. I don't know. All I know is that someone almost certainly died. And that the death was related to this spot on the bridge.
What are we really running for?
It struck me afresh on tonight's run that no matter how much money you get, how much notoriety and success one may achieve, without relationships--without being able to freely and openly give and receive love to and from those closest to us--to show them that we really love them--all these other things are meaningless. Money and all that other good stuff like material possessions, influence, etc, is excellent. In its right place. Subordinate to human connection, relationships, and open and free self-expression. Connection. That's really what it's all about, isn't it?
Funny that right after having these thoughts, Radiohead's "Everything in its Right Place" came on in my headphones. I always think of my son. I could struggle and struggle to make more and more money to provide for him everything I possibly can. And I will. But you know what? What I really want for him, and what will make him really rich, is knowing his daddy loves him. That will develop into an internal sense of confidence, love and self-respect as he grows into manhood. He will then be able to transmit that same sense of peace and security to others around him. Making the world that much more safe. That much warmer. What better gift could I give him? What better possible legacy could I hope to leave behind?
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PREVIOUS FUJI 5LAKES TRAINING BLOGS:
A New Goal, A New Challenge, and A New Plan: THE FUJI 5LAKES ULTRAMARATHON!
Fuji 5Lakes Training Blog - 10/25/2017 - Running with Joanna Newsom's "The Milk-Eyed Mender"
F5LTB - 10/26/2017 - Shoegaze Church and Thoughts of Death on a Late Night Run
F5LTB - 10.28.17 - The Beauty of Knees. Ambient Music. Other thoughts.
Fuji 5Lakes Training Blog - 11.1.2017 - It's a Long Way to the Top, if You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll
Fuji 5Lakes Training Blog - 11.5.2017 - The "Post-Poison 6 Mile" and Running as My Path to Serenity
~KafkA
Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as Facebook and Twitter. (Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!)
