I've started so many blogs in my life only to delete them after a month. I used to be a little bitch.

I'm such a fast typist, I can throw up a dozen articles in a day or two, slap a Wordpress theme on there and boom - instant website. I would always end up deleting them though.

If I had kept up everything that I'd ever written on ONE single website, I'd have well over 3 million words on there. I can't say that the quality would be on the level of my cryptocurrency articles - works of an inspired genius, obviously - but there's definitely some diamonds in there.

I took them down because I was so worried that someone I knew would find some of the stuff that I wrote and judge me for it. I don't really "let loose" in this Steemit blog because I refer a lot of clients here to see the articles I write on crypto.

I don't even think they read them. I think they just check to make sure I actually wrote something.

Your biggest challenge is being obscure, not being talented

What I eventually realized is that not only is anyone I know super unlikely to stumble across something I write about my personal life, but that there's an infinitesimal chance that they'll actually sit and READ the damn thing.

A close friend, family member or even random acquaintance isn't going to find anything I write. And if they did, what are they going to do? Post it on Facebook and be like, "haha hey everyone look at this loser!"?

Literally nobody cares. People are too wrapped up in their own insecurities to worry about yours. Or mine.

That's part of the reason why I put so much content out there. I post 1-2 articles a day on Steemit. I post 3 times a day on Instagram with long ass captions. I post maybe 20 stories a day. I send like 30 emails a day.

I am throwing seeds all over the internet. But the world is such a vast place, there's virtually no chance that anyone I know is ever going to cross paths with anything I ever produce.

When I used to write more personal stuff, I used to secretly hope that someone WOULD find it. But not like they would hack my computer or something. I wanted them to find it because I had become a famous writer right under their noses and they didn't suspect a thing.

I wanted them to just be scrolling their FB feed only to see that someone who wasn't a mutual friend shared some crazy shit that I'd written. Then they'd recognize my name, read some of what I'd written and be like, "OH MY GOD I KNOW THAT GUY! Damn... he IS weird!"

Then they'd send me a message or something and be like, "Hey I just wanted to say that I found that thing you wrote. Wow.. you're such a good writer!"

Grandiose delusions - a writer's best friend

I don't think I've ever actually articulated that particular fantasy before, but I've had it for years. Even writing this post is purely an exercise in vanity, in hopes that someday someone will actually pore through all the stuff I've written on here, find this exact post and know that one little factoid about me.

It's ridiculous now that I actually put words to it.

The funny part is that even if someone I know does read this, there's no way they're going to let on to the fact that they read it. They're not going to actually TELL ME that they read it, because then they'd be worried that I'd alter some of my future writing to account for the fact that I know they're reading it.

They want the AUTHENTIC experience. So by admitting my little fantasy, have I actually just ensured that it will never become reality?

And that's even assuming they have the patience to get through the entire article!

I don't even know why I'm talking about this. This is what I get for being a philosophy major.

You know what I like about Steemit though? All I have to do if I want people to read this is just buy some upvotes from one of the voting bots. Pay for a couple of resteems and all of a sudden I have a readership.

Sure, most of them are probably random Pakistanis who are trying to score their own $0.01 upvotes. But when you scroll through your post history and see those numbers - 94 upvotes here, 117 upvotes there - it gives you the warm fuzzies.

For someone like me, a semi-functioning adult with way too much cryptocurrency to burn, this is a great way to pretty much force random people to listen to my inane ramblings. All I have to do is transfer some SBD to a couple accounts and tomorrow I'll have a bunch of random Paki comments and some fake money on this post.

I don't think my fantasy will ever come true. That's probably a good thing, because if I ever had the feeling like, "Wow, I actually made it," then I probably wouldn't work as hard as I do now. I'd stop doing the very thing that made me successful in the first place.

Maybe that's why writers write their whole lives. Because they have the same fantasy as me. And it never comes true.

How To Use Steemit To Make Yourself Feel More Important Than You Really Are

Your biggest challenge is being obscure, not being talented

Grandiose delusions - a writer's best friend

What do you think makes a good writer?

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