When we are blinded by an apparent “perfection”

Have you ever know a person that seemed to be completely perfect? With all of the qualities we are looking for, with glorious virtues, that can, without doubt, improve our lives and overall happiness?

I am sure must of us have had this type of phases from time to time, especially when we are young and naive. Of course we need to accept that when we found someone like this, the person has indeed good qualities that are attractive to us, but what we sometimes don’t realize is that the sustainability of partnerships has to be feed on a daily basis, not just one time and that’s it, no.

We let ourselves be controlled by our irrational feelings, and this is how we create a distorted image of our partner, something that isn’t true and we know it, but subconsciously we wish it were.

This innocent idealization is when we believe the qualities of our partners are completely and 100% perfect.

The less experience we have in life, the more we tend to immediately believe that this one person is our “better half”, although if we are speaking about halves it would always be better to just be whole with oneself, and find another person who is also whole with her/himself.

The typical childish stories about princes and princesses show us a perfect life where everything is wonderful and great, but reality is simply not like that, and reality hit us, if we are not prepared for it the pain can be very serious and our doubts even greater because realizing something we believed was the perfect support, is stumbling right before our eyes. The disappointment can be huge and it could affect our mood and our emotional health.

It might sound simple, but without proper communication no relationship can survive

Of course a magic recipe for a life without emotional startles doesn’t exists. Only by communicating constantly and honestly, would allow us to maintain a good stability. Listening what our partner want from us and being able to share what disturbs us is necessary to achieve a successful relationship in the long term. This dialogue should include everything that is important to us, like our wishes, our weakness, our fears, our strengths, our necessities... by sharing this in a transparent way we are helping our union to thrive in the long term.

Is it possible to love without idealize?

Of course it is! If we truly love someone we need to love them for what they are, and not for the perfect version of them we have in our head, because that’s fake, no one is perfect, everyone has a lot of defects and weakness, and that’s totally ok. That’s how us humans are, unique in our own way with beautiful feelings and horrible actions.

We need to be real with ourselves, and don’t cheat us into believing things we know are untrue. Because when the magic fades away, and we accept that we were trying to fool us, the hit will be much more stronger and can even take us into a depression. Honesty from the beginning, with our partners and with ourselves is KEY if you want to succeed in the long term.

Having our feet in the ground and being real, especially with ourselves is wise because it will help us avoid depression in case things go bad down the road...

Accepting we both have weakness can make everything easier because no one will start to pretend perfection or pretend to be good at everything, besides both will feel more comfortable with each other, facilitating the dialog between the couple and increasing their bonding.

It is our daily job to build a stronger foundation for our relationships, through daily dialogue, and especially, through our own sincerity and spontaneity. Only by keeping these daily habit of sharing our joys and sorrows with each other and never forgetting no one is above anyone, we will be free enough to choose us again everyday, not because we feel forced, but because we are convinced we are so much better when together.