If your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or child primary love language is Words of Affirmation, you can show your love in practical and accurate ways to your loved ones.
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Everyone appreciates receiving love in all languages, so you can apply this to your loved ones even though their primary love language is not Words of Affirmation.
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To find out your loved ones' love language, ask them to take this quiz in www.5lovelanguages.com. I strongly encourage you to do the quiz with them.
Before we get to the ways, it is important to show love in the certain ways, in ways that your loved one perceive your actions as LOVE from their perspective.
Now that we have pinned down the motivation to show love, these are the 9 best ways to show love to your loved ones whose primary (or not) love language is Words of Affirmation
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These ways cover all 3 dialects in Words of Affirmation.
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1. Learn to say I Love You in different languages and say WHY you love him/her.
Saying "I Love You in different languages shows that you are putting effort in learning something new for the sake of him/her and surprising them!
When you tell the reason you love him/her, you are re-assuring that their traits, personality, actions, belief or appearances are awesomely amazing. This also show that you pay attention to him/her.
Here's a list to get you started 😁
- I Love You
- 我爱你 (Chinese)
- ik hou van je (Dutch)
- Aku cinta kamu (Indonesian)
- te amo (Spanish)
- je t'aime (French)
2. Appreciate him/her for little things that they do.
Pay attention to them and appreciate what good deeds they did. It takes only 1 minute to send a text like ...
Thank you for the delicious luInch you made for me!
I appreciate that you helped our neighbour with their plants yesterday
I am grateful for you stayed with me when I was grieving for my loss
This shows you do not take him/her for granted and appreciate their effort and choice in their actions.
You can use these templates to get you started,
- Thank you for ....
- I appreciate that ....
- I am grateful for ...
- If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to ...
- I'm glad to have you as my (girlfriend, boyfriend, child) because ...
- Thanks to you, I ....
3. Encourage him/her
Everyone is fighting their own battle, including yourself and your loved ones. They need encouragements to keep doing what they're doing, and thrive in them. It is not easy for a woman to be a mother, an employee and a student at once.
Your encouragement is their fuel to keep moving.
Give them a quick call or text saying,
You're a great mum with biggest patience I've ever seen in my life! Keep going, love!
I sincerely believe you will inspire everyone in your presentation.
I am very impressed of your determination in juggling between work and the kids.
Just remember that I am always here to watch your back. Leave the kids to me and go!
My heart would melt immediately if my boyfriend say these to me! 😆
Here are some templates to get you started,
- I sincerely believe that you ...
- I am very impressed of ...
- You're amazing because ...
- I will take care of it. Just go and do your ...
- Just remember that ...
4. Request, do not demand
If you need him/her to help you do something, ASK . Never command.
Instead of saying Clean out the drains! It's been clogged since weeks!
You ask Would you clean out the drains before the clog gets worse?
The tone of the sentences are different. The first sentence sounds like a complaint and you're demanding him/her to do things for you.
The second sentence opens a choice that he/she can decide. You respect that he/she has the right to accept or decline. This also shows that both of you are of equal standing.
Turn off the air-conditioner, it's so f*cking cold!--> Can you turn off the air-conditioner please? I'm feeling cold.Why didn't you pay the bills ASAP??--> Oh dear, the bills are expiring soon, do you mind to pay the bills this week?What? Salad again!?!? Don't you have anything else to cook?--> Hmm, darling, would you make pasta tonight? I miss pasta 😃
To get you started, try these:
- Can you ... ?
- Do you mind ... ?
- Do you have time ... ?
- Are you free for ... ?
- Are you able to ... ?
- May I ... ?
- Would you … ?
5. Write notes and stick them in unexpected places
While making sure that he/she can see the notes. I like doing this to my boyfriend. This creates a surprise element where I stick sweet notes at places that he will surely notice but didn't expect me to do it.
Sometimes, I do out of blue, you'll never be able to expect when I'll write and where I’ll paste them 😈
Writing is better than typing because you're putting extra miles to get a paper, to get a pen, write with your own hands, look for openings, look for places that you can stick and stick the paper itself.
Compare above with Grab your phone, open Whatsapp, Type and Send. Which one requires more effort?
So utilize both traditional and digital method 😉
Examples of places you can stick:
- Bathroom mirrors
- Usual breakfast plates/bowls
- Kitchen doors
- On their phone
- Door knobs
- Car dashboard
- and a lot more! The limit is your creativity!!
6. Acknowledge your mistakes and ask for forgiveness FIRST
If you have wronged your loved one, take the initiative to apologize, acknowledge what you've done wrong and ask them to forgive you.
If you took the first initiative, it shows you take the effort to reflect on your wrongdoings and you really regretted it.
If you were reminded of your wrongdoings by your loved one, you are showing that you don't care what you've done that hurt him/her. Only if he/she starts the conversation, then you apologize. If no one takes the initiative, nothing will improve. So you be the change.
At the end of the day, reflect on the words and actions you have said/done to him/her. If you think you've hurt them, take the initiative.
7. See things from his/her perspective, Empathize.
Seek to understand, then to be understood.
You gotta put your ego aside and accept all of his/her whines, complains, frustrations as purely information. Be objective is the key. You do not want to counter anger with fire. You want to understand their circumstances and put yourself in their shoes.
Easier said than done right? Here are a few hacks to make your life easier.
- Ask questions to understand deeper what has happened (Why, How, What, Where, When are useful)
- Keep your tone and emotions in check always, you do not want to further offend them. Be objective.
- Do not offer advice unless asked.
- Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Here are few things you can say to show your empathy (with sincerity),
- If I were you, I would do the same.
- I understand what you're feeling.
- Is there anything I can help?
- It must have been tough for you.
Then, add in words of encouragement to let him/her know that at least there's someone (you) who supports them.
Q: Which of these ways that you want to do to your loved ones right now? And Why?
This Relationship Tips series include practical how's and what's of speaking your partner's love language. If your partner's love language is Physical Touch and Quality Time, I will share firsthand experiences of what I've done and its results :)
Relationship Tips is one of my initiative to help people improve their relationship based on a book I was reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and my experiences.
Check out my series here:
Relationship Tips #1: Know Your Partner's Love Language Here!
Relationship Tips #2: How to keep the love tank full, or most of the time full?
Relationship Tips #3: Is This "In Love" or "Real Love"?
Relationship Tips #4:How to Express Love with Words of Encouragement
Relationship Tips #5: How to Express Love with Words of Kindness
Relationship Tips #6: How to Express Love with Requests, not Demands
I believe having a good relationship will carve a positive path in all areas of your life. This belief is backed up by an 80 year-old research by Harvard University.
Tifa writes simple and positive practices and ideas that you can learn (or re-learn) and apply in your life immediately. She covers life lessons, relationships, positive thinking and self-love.
Check out my [profile here] (@tifaong) to find out more 😁
