Picture it: you're got a room full of twitching children. Your nerves are already on edge because it's been one of those days. Little Johnny starts acting out. Which makes his neighbors laugh and edge toward misbehaving. You warn all involved. All is quiet for a few but Johnny is true to his MO and starts eliciting responses from his peers. This keeps going around in circles until you've lost control of the entire group.
Empathy is the ability to recognize the emotions in others, and understanding their perspective and reality. Sometimes it's easy to be empathetic. Especially when you know the backstory- a child suffered a trauma so her grades are slipping and she is acting out. This will pull at your heartstrings and lead you to doing everything you can to help her through.
But what if everything seems normal? You know little Johhnys mom, she leads the PTA. And his dad is co-coach to Little League. They live in a nice house, have 2.3 cars, afford Coach bags and dinners out five nights a week. His parents are not divorced and he has every advantage an upper middle class boy can have.
There is always more to the story. And you will probably never know the truth.
This is when your empathy muscles will be exercised the greatest. When the package seems pristine on the outside there is no reason to believe there may be damage on the inside. And will stretch your powers to their breaking point.
Humans do not act out for no reason. It is not up to you to be Sherlock and dig to the bottom of the unsolved case- unless you belive there is criminal activity. It is up to you to be kind to all. To show the upmost compassion for everyone, equally.
The loudest and the quietest are the ones in the most pain.
Even though he is shredding your nerves like parmesan on pasta, you must treat the little Johnnys of the world with love can TLC. It is up to the law and a Judge to determine whether he is guilty. It is up to you to show him there are people surrounding him who care. People he can trust and count on.
Put yourself in their shoes. It may not be so cut and dry, as in Johnnys case, but you can still imagine. Granted you can never fully understand a situation if you have not been through it, but you can get a decent idea of what that person might be going through. People usually are not setting out to be mean and disruptive. They may simply be reacting to the situation they are in using limited tools. They may not have the knowledge needed.
Imagine how you might act or react in their shoes. There is an awful lot that goes on behind the smile they might be putting one for show.
Communication is key to any interpersonal relationship. Talking about things gives you both a greater perspective, as well as a deeper understanding of what you both are experiencing. Develop a language if you havve to. Utilize key words and safe words as code.
Validation is important. Everyone wants to be seen and heard. Recognizing and acknowledging does not necessarily have to mean you agree with their actions! It means you see them as an individual with real emotions and needs. When they feel you do this, they will let down their defenses and be more willing to listen to you.
Listen carefully. Not only in what they say, but in what they don't say.
And ask them what they want, what they need, and what they should do. The answer will tell you a lot.
And be patient with yourself. Empathy is a skill that will develop and fine tune throughout your lifetime.
Images via Pexels and Pixabay
What if the last person on Earth was the one you hated most? Dead i. A Steemit Original Fiction Series. Episode 3 is out now! & start from the beginning with Episode 1 Prologue and Episode 2
My real life horror- the accident and PTSD
- Part 1-My Near Death Experience
- Part 2- the Accident Aftermath
- Part 3- Subtract the D from PTSD but Your Brain is Still Scrambled
- Part 4-How to Heal Mind and Body After an Accident & Helpful Advice for Your Loved Ones
- Part 4.5 What to Expect With Concussions and Traumatic Brain Injury
- Part 5- The Tunnel. A Real Life Horror
- Part 6- The Journey
Trigger warning- graphic and raw.
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