"Should parents set a minimum age or some restrictions for their children to own a smartphone, and if so what would they be?"
This is the EcoTrain question of the week, and I have been thinking about this a lot lately, so I will try to put down my thoughts on this topic in my post today.
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Probably you all have your own way of thinking when it comes to smartphones and screen time for kids, doesn´t matter if you have kids or not, we all have some opinion on this topic.
I have seen a huge change of acceptance the last 1 or 2 years regarding smartphone use and the awareness about it. Many of us are more relaxed about the effects of using smartphones, how the radiation is influencing us and it has become more accepted to let kids play with phones at an early age, then it was only 2 years ago.
I see that the awareness and also skeptic separate classes and countries. The more knowledge, the more awareness we have of the effects from smartphones. But the common behavior is that smartphones are not bad or dangerous for kids and that it is like any other toy.
I worked in kindergarten some years before I got pregnant with my boy, and many of the children in kindergarten are obsessed with their phones and screens. It is all about youtube videos, games and editing apps. Games and videos contain a lot of violence and are exciting to watch and to play. Unfortunately, our children are not able to process many impressions at once, they need time to understand and process information that comes from the outer world. But with a lot of excitement and the non-stop input they get, they are unable to relate to it, and get very unbalanced and stressed. We all know children that have difficulties to relate to others, to calm down, to concentrate and who is constantly bored.
We are getting numb while watching a lot of violence in movies and games. And it already starts with the first violence scene. We are unable to feel the pain and suffering when we see it as unreal, and we can´t distinguish what is happening in a movie, from the real world. Games and movies are entertaining but also very manipulative, without us knowing it. If you watch a movie, search for the funny ones that bring you to laugh. Or a true story that can teach you something about people or your own life. Fictional violence is also violence toward your soul and making you numb towards your own feelings and emotions.
But, with this said, I don´t mean that smartphones and screen time is all bad. Actually, there are millions of possibilities, and to be honest, I think this step in the revolution is very important for us as species. We are moving to a way of living where everything and everyone is connected, where we are connected with all other human beings. We still don't realize it fully, but we are already connected and we all are from one source. And therefore I believe that be connected through our phones is a way for us to connect on a deeper level as well.
Many apps as Facebook and Instagram are soon going to disappear and leave space for apps (as steemit), where the content we share, is on a much deeper level and fulfilling in a way that Instagram or Facebook don´t. We as human beings are developing very rapidly at the moment.
I know this from my own life, and I know you see it as well. Our screens, our apps, our way of using them is just a reflection of whats going on inside of us. On one hand, we see that many things are getting worse, and the reactions of it are massive. That is the old ego holding on the believes we have been carrying on the past centuries. Then, on the other hand, we see platforms as steemit or even cryptocurrencies that are growing and engaging and connecting people more and more. It has never been easier to reach our dreams, to connect with like-minded people, to create our lives as we wish. And this is just the beginning. What you have inside yourself, is what you put out, and receive. So it doesnt matter which apps or platforms exist, you will find the right one for your moment level of consciousness. If we attract suffering than that has to be what we need to develop even faster. There is nothing what is not ment to be.
We are not victims of smartphones. It is a tool. As a hammer is a tool to nail a bolt, the phone is a tool to connect. To connect with yourself and people.
But, we need to understand that. It is not a way of living, not a way to escape our feelings, not a habit and not a distraction. So how to teach our children how to use it?
I use my phone as a tool to spread my passion for healthy vegan food and to connect. As I have a big Instagram account and my family live in another country, I use my phone on a daily basis. Even though I don't use my phone as a distraction, I notice that I need to plan my phone-use, so that I don't wear it with me everywhere or check the updates every hour. My goal is to have planned offline times and scheduled online times during the day. And often it works for me, but often I am a lot more on my phone that I wish to. Instagram is especially addictive, as you always have some new stories to watch, DM´s to answer, comments to reply on and posts to respond to. It is very clever build and if you have no goal when you enter the platform, you get very distracted right away and get stuck in checking stories and posts. It is simple to lose track on time. Luckily I have not unlimited time for my phone as my little boy requires a lot of attention almost all his awake time, so when I am able to check my phone, I always try to focus on what goal I have. And to do only that. So my kid is actually my greatest teacher how to limit and structure my phone-use.
And that is also what I want to give to him, a way to handle phones as a tool and not as a destruction.
I don´t allow my kid to play with my phone at all. No videos, no games. But we have given our kid a smartphone without an internet connection, for him to listen to his own classical music when he wants to. We don´t want to forbid him to use smartphones, but we want him to use it as a tool because in the feature, parts of his life will be online (as it is for almost all of us already), so we need to teach our kids a way to relate to phones in a positive way. Smartphones are not bad in itself, it is only our own projection and the way we handle it, that causes the effects.
Tips for parents:
- Don´t forbid smartphones, it will only cause a greater interest in it. We all know that kids want to break rules and to forbid the smartphones will probably make your kid even more obsessed with it when he or she gets one.
- Be a role model and be open about why and how you use your smartphone.
- Avoid your smartphone while you are with friends or family you don't see on a daily basis.
- Show your kids how to build relations offline as well.
- Show your kid how to use a phone as a tool. Be disciplined about when and where to use it for yourself and your kids.
- Plan online times with purpose and offline times.
- When you are out with your kids, leave the phone at home. Show your kid that you don´t need the phone everywhere and always.
- Optional: have one offline day each week, Saturday or Sunday when your kids are at home.
- Rather spend time on your phones when you are alone then when you are with your kids.
- Speak about why and how to use a phone.
- Show your kid how to connect with other people through your phone. A video chat is such a pleasure and better than chats because you can actually see and connect with a person wherever they are on a deeper level.
- Don't allow your kid to use the internet if not needed for connecting or searching for information.
- Tumb rule, don´t allow your kids to watch videos that they are unable to relate to. Rather videos of nature and animals that animations or action movies.
- Don´t leave your kid alone while he or she is watching a video. And remember to speak about it afterward.
- Read books for your child, paint, draw, play and remember that running around an just playing and developing the fantasy on their own is the best way for your kid to handle smartphone use in the feature.
- Please don´t put a phone in your kid's hands just to get some quiet time. To be a parent can be tough sometimes, but it the greatest way for you to develop your own capabilities.
I would love to read your thoughts on this topic, so be sure to leave a comment below! I spend time while my kid is asleep with answering and reading your comments! ;)
Much love, and happy new week to all of your beautiful souls!
Love, Niina
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Dream cake: Vanilla & Chocolate Cream Cake
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