Do you feel sad, angry, critical or anxious? The good news is that nothing happens: negative emotions are fundamental to mental health, as long as we do not get stuck permanently in them.
According to the researchers, it is essential for a human being to face their darkest emotions because only then is there any room to heal them and thus be happy. Keep in mind that an emotion is not simply a noun, but a degree to explain what the human mind can go through.
Although it seems logical to try to avoid our most negative emotions and memories in favor of the lightest, the truth is that life does not always have good times. And those dark emotions, those unpleasant memories, are also part of us, of our history.
In fact, the body can store our darkest emotions as places of pain. And in facing them, that pain, both physical and emotional, will be released. That is, knowing and managing hidden and blocked negative emotions such as hatred, anger or resentment can alleviate the physical pain from them.
According to the latest research, for a person to be truly happy he must accept his darkest emotions and understand that life can not always be a path of roses.
3 emotional regulation skills
Research published in the Australian journal of Psychology analyzed how to deal with our darkest emotions and how we try to handle them. The researchers found three emotional regulation skills to help us manage them: acceptance, cognitive distancing and cognitive change.
* The training exercises in acceptance help to know the emotions, their physical sensations and their cognitive sensations. Acceptance is the first step to learn how to manage them.
* Cognitive distancing is achieved through the taking of perspective. For example, observing events as a storyteller would do, that is, as an external agent.
* The cognitive change ability fosters a perspective of self-pity by imagining that a very affectionate person is being talked about about the darker thoughts and feelings. You can also use the imaginary listener to talk to you and remind you of your own strengths and coping skills.
How to accept the darkest emotions
When we reject or consider our emotional state unacceptable, what we are doing is denying a part of ourselves. That is, we prefer not to delve into what so much suffering generates us, so we block it. What we forget is that with it a part of our identity is gone.
Thus, although we can not control how we feel when we are ashamed, we can accept it. However, sometimes, if it makes us feel bad, what we do is dissociate ourselves from that emotion so as not to experience it again. But as we have said before, the denial of our negative emotions prevents us from being happy.
"An emotion does not cause pain. The resistance or suppression of an emotion causes pain. "
-Frederick Dodson-
In this sense, researchers from the University of California at Berkeley studied the hypothesis that the acceptance of our darkest emotions is related to greater psychological health. The reason that justifies it is that acceptance helps to prevent us from reacting to negative mental experiences.
Thus, the acceptance of negative emotional states prevents us from labeling them as such, since we accept them for what they are, without judging them as good or bad. In this way, the negative associations we have with these emotions will diminish and our psychological health will improve.
People who are truly happy can accept their emotions and thoughts without judging them. That is to say, they are able to recognize what their emotions are and what sensations they experience through them but do not allow themselves to be impulsively led by them. They recognize their anger, their fears and jealousies, as well as their resentment and frustration, but instead of allowing themselves to be invaded by them, they accept them.
As we see, the acceptance of our dark emotions does not make us bad people, but gives us clues to know ourselves. In fact, it is impossible to do so if we only look at our positive emotions, since our shadows are also part of us. And is that, to be able to live our own truth, we have to accept everything to finally let go when we are ready.
"It is impossible to completely avoid negative emotions because living is experiencing setbacks and conflicts."
-Sauer-Zavala-