Not surprisingly, the poems in my "grief cycle" had a beginning, and this was it.
And, as God and the Universe never ask us to do anything we have not been prepared for, this was my preparation.
The short version is that I had been a member of my meditation group, in Redington Beach, Florida, for about a year and a half; but many of the women in the core group had known each other for twenty years and more.
And one of their closest friends was dying. By choice.
Marilyn, I'm sorry to say I don't recall her last name, had gone through breast cancer once before, went through chemo and radiation, and their terrible and debilitating side effects, and against the odds, beat the disease. For a time.
Roughly ten years later, her breast cancer was back. And she decided not to fight it, but to simply accept it, and allow it to take its course. She had neither the energy nor the will to fight it again. She was done fighting.
As a result, she asked one of her closest friends, Janet, to be her caretaker through her ordeal, which of course would be hard on Janet.
Janet was also a friend of mine, and of the whole group; she was a massage therapist, a true intuitive, and a truly good and loving person. Janet had misgivings, but said yes in spite of them, and the die was cast.
Interestingly, the St. Petersburg Times chose to cover their story in a series of articles, and did so well, with depth and heart and feeling. I wish I had the articles, but I don't, though I read those that my friend Boo had at the time, who was a vital member of the meditation group.
This is the same Boo who encouraged (read: nagged) me to show my art, and to read my poetry in public for the first time, which I quite likely would never have done without her. Thank you, Boo.
So Janet, who in addition to massage therapy, had become adept at aromatherapy and Tibetan bowls, helped Marilyn to prepare for her death.
At one point, Marilyn invited her closest friends in to go through her closet, to pick out something to remember her by. According to Janet, there was a slumber party feel to the proceedings, which as Marilyn's condition had advanced, seems to have given her some pleasure.
And, hopefully, it helped to give her friends some closure.
It was around this time that I was moved to write this poem, and read it at our next meditation meeting. And the response was unanimous, that I had tapped into how they were all feeling, and when I asked if it should/could be shared with Marilyn and her family, they said an emphatic Yes. It can and should.
And so, with Janet's help, my poem traveled with her to Marilyn and her family, and was read to her shortly before her death. And, I was told, it helped her, for which I was grateful.
I would also like to call out Janet, who is the first person who told me that, if she had the money, she would have paid to see my poetry published in book form.
Janet, you will never know how much that meant to me at the time, and how much it still means to me. Thank you.
I Dance Toward My Blessed Death
Though joyful I am anxious yet
While spending well my final breath
Have I yet paid to God my debt?
As silent seasons…seconds go
To boldly exit from the fray
The reasons not for me to know
I welcome death yet still delay
As I let go of all that was
Of all the hurts I’ve held within
I beg forgiveness now because
I realize the greatest sin
For love not granted, love not shared
Risks not taken, friends not made
The loss we could ourselves have spared
Our only truly failing grade
And still undaunted here I lie
Afraid and yet excited too
Afraid, yet not afraid to die
As death can never lose me you
I face with fear and wondrous awe
Yet longing seek forever toward
That time when I shall come to know
My note within the greater chord
The music that is living life
The song that is a part of me
My destiny it seems to leave
A yet unfinished symphony
At last may I bequeath to you
One small request when I am gone
Take up the challenge I lay down
For through you I may carry on
An angel comes, another goes
Into the room wherein I lie
His songs replace the others strums
Yet none can see or hear but I
And yet the song, remaining faint
It louder, more insistent grows
His visage such as none could paint
And I must follow where he goes
My time with you is growing short
My heart and soul are growing light
Though you may feel my touch as
My soul visits with you in the night
For Marilyn
2 March 2000
For Colleen Marie Smith
21 July 2009
Blessings to you all.
And I would love to hear your take in the comments.
Marek, My Best Friend – Day 81 – Daily Haiku
Sorting Through Receipts – Day 80 – Daily Haiku
Forms of Life – Jean-Luc Ponty – Jazz That Changed Me, part 2
Once a Blue Planet – Jean-Luc Ponty – Jazz That Changed Me
Black and White Kitty
Hickory Syrup – Day 78 – Daily Haiku
Rural Internet – Day 77 – Daily Haiku
Birds Singing Brightly – Day 76 – Daily Haiku
My Longest Winter's Ending – Poetry -Photography
Grief Makes Me Stupid – Poetry – Humor - Photography
If you feel my posts are undervalued, and/or you want to
donate to tip me, I would appreciate it very much.
In the process, you will be helping our small organic farm to operate,
to help others, and to feed and house all our animals better. Thank you!
Bitcoin (BTC) – 37Z9UabFyygFYXMoChifdCkyFgPJtKwXRj
Bitcoin Cash (BCH) – qq5p7dkr9239u6fer98lyc3cjvhcwcggzuxyde9mjp
Ethereum (ETH) - 0x731e363a4e6C680D47aFA63e4620342964a9d0Fb
LiteCoin (LTC) – MprMcJSAXKvtBouDQRSSk85qbms8ak3xDY
The following are a few affiliate links, to companies we really
believe in, that will further help us to operate, to help others,
and to care for and feed our animals.
If you have any interest in becoming affiliated with these companies,
which may bring you additional income, please contact me,
and perhaps we can work together!
Dr. Al Sears, well known anti-aging doctor, with his first-class
line of supplements that actually work:
https://primalforce.net/?aff=1893
Melaleuca, a company that has been making natural, eco-friendly
products since the 1980s, that not only work as well as
chemically laden versions from the supermarket,
but are safer, and typically save money overall in addition.
I was introduced to them by a co-worker in 1990, lost track
of them, and was thrilled to find them again about a year
and a half ago. I strongly recommend their products.
http://www.melaleuca.com/corimacnaughton
Prime My Body offers a nanoenhanced hemp-based CBD oil
that is legal in all 50 United States, and clinically proven to be
absorbed 3X better than the leading pharmaceutical brand.
I have used it on myself and my animals with excellent results.
https://Crescendo.primemybody.com
If you are interested in becoming an affiliate yourself,
check out this link:
https://enrollpmb.com/Crescendo
All words and images are my own. The first image is of my multimedia painting, "Spirit Releasing the Chains of Her Past," which I originally showed at the Square Art gallery opening, in a gallery I don't recall the name of at the moment, in Pinellas County,Florida, but I'll check with Boo tomorrow, because she will remember. This was in either late 2005 or 2006. This was on of the first pieces to sell at that show.
The photo of our dog, Lolo, and our late cat, Miod, I took as they were cooperatively begging at the dinner table, despite our longstanding rule of not feeding them from the table.
You can see how much that deterred them both.
Resteeming is welcome, you may link to my post from your own website or blog, and you may use excerpts and/or images as long as you credit me, and link back to this post.
Please ask for permission, before using my work otherwise, as all rights are reserved.