@ecotrain qotw- What is patriarchy? Is a patriarchy the same as a s...

One of the nicest things about being a part of the @ecotrain is having interesting and inspiring questions to answer and exciting challenges to be a part of each week. Also, it isn't mandatory for all the passengers to participate every week, it is better though, but you have a lot of flexibility which makes it quite comfortable for you to be a part of the train.

This week we were asked the following question which I found extremely intriguing, exciting and important.

What is patriarchy? Is a patriarchy the same as a society led by men, or is it more, a society led by fear and a feeling of scarcity, that happens to be an environment in which the masculine takes charge?

I think this question is one we need to dig deeper into and that too from different angles and perspectives because the better we explore it, the more we'll understand what it truly is and its foundations. If we want to eliminate a certain issue from our life, we need to dig deeper into it and understand exactly what led to its creation. Unless we do that, we won't get to the bottom of the problem and fix the real issue. I believe the same is the case with patriarchy. Patriarchy and patriarchal societies have grown so humongous and have now given birth to scores of other problems that it is really important to dig into this issue so we understand that is it really a society led by just men or a society that is based on fear and some feeling of scarcity or insecurity or anything else and it is this issue that makes the men feel they should take charge of the society.

Here are my views on the topic.

How I Feel About Patriarchy

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Patriarchy is described as the society where men are given the charge to rule and to decide things, and women do not enjoy the same rights. I live in a patriarchal society, however, I did not know of this term for a long time. It was only when I was in my O'levels that I understood that the inequality and biased treatment I saw towards the two genders in my society had a label too- patriarchy.

It is a social and political system that believes that the male gender has the right to dominate the society and is superior to everything that is considered weak, incompetent or inferior to men in any way. Men have the right to dominate those deemed weak and they have the right to employ any measure they feel appropriate enough to express their dominance and set things in order.

This right to rule and dominate and to decide what's right and wrong for everyone is given to men from a very young age. When a girl in my society is born, she is taught certain things from a very young age and those things then help her form her own beliefs and serve as the rules she needs to abide by to live a good life as described by the elders in the society. The same happens with boys. A girl is taught to behave a certain way, feel a certain way and even think a certain way. Like I was always taught that it is okay to cry because girls are weak and that weak people cannot hold their tears back since they aren't strong enough whereas my male cousins, my brother and the other boys I interacted with were always shushed quickly if they cried because the society has deemed men to be strong and according to the rules, one who is strong cannot cry because tears are a sign of weakness. (These are things I learned, not my beliefs now- they have changed a lot over the course of years.)

Girls are also taught how certain activities are for boys and boys are taught how he should not worry about cooking or cleaning since those chores aren't for men to handle. Luckily, my siblings and I weren't taught this since my brother didn't believe in patriarchy as such and she did not even stop my brother from crying and let him express his feelings. However, my paternal and maternal relatives were staunch believers in the patriarchal system so when we met them, we were taught all the things I talked about earlier.

Not only that, but girls and boys are also taught that certain emotions are for girls to express while certain ones belong only to the boys. It is alright if a boy expresses his rage, but it is abhorrent if a girl does the same. Men in my family can express their anger if their mother, wife or sister hasn't prepared a tasty meal for them. However, if the ladies in the house, especially the wife complains to her husband about why he does not earn much or tells him she needs more money to manage the expenses, she is labelled as 'incompetent to manage the household.' Rage belongs to the men so does the power to control others and the right to express their distaste, unhappiness, frustration and anger. Women are only to love the men and their loved ones, take care of them and abide by their orders. Yes, they can dress up and should dress up but for their men and nobody else. They should not think too much because when they think, they start exploring things and when they explore things, they become aware of them and awareness gives them confidence and wisdom to break the shackles of patriarchy, but that's not what the men want right?

So yeah patriarchy is a society led by men, but that's not it. I believe patriarchy is more of a society led by a certain kind of mentality and that mentality is nurtured by a lot of women too. Patriarchy is more of a mindset that believes men are right and have the power and right to control others because they are believed to be stronger and wise. I think the different religions may have some sort of role to play in the formation of this mentality too. Since God in most of the religions is a He and the prophets were male too, that made the people think that men are wiser and better than women so they are entitled to enjoy more rights and power over everyone else.

Men in most cultures and countries are leaders of the system and the nation, and this gives them more authority over others. So when men start enjoying more authority and the right to dominate others, they do not want to let go of it and this right and authority then becomes a part of their being. From a young age they are taught to dominate others, women in particular, so if this right and authority is taken away from them, they feel incomplete. So yeah, I do believe that patriarchal societies are basically led by feelings of insecurity and fear. It is these fears and beliefs that make the men feel they are competent enough to take charge of everything and these beliefs give birth to the patriarchal mindset. While it is believed that the patriarchal mindset is imparted to children by men mostly, there are many women who train their kids to accept and embrace this mindset. My own grandmother is one of those women. While my grandfather did support patriarchy to a certain extent, it is my grandmother who ensured all my uncles and their wives and kids follow it vehemently. My uncles do not even drink water on their own and if their wives get a little late in serving them water or food or anything else, my grandmother would start saying mean things to them. This scenario has changed a bit for the better with time, but that mentality is still rooted in her mind.

This mentality has roots in the belief that women aren't capable of making wise decisions on their own and that if women do step outside of their home, they will be taken advantage of and will suffer from problems in particular abuse. The fear of a woman being abused by another man and going through various problems is another reason why men are given more power in patriarchal societies. When a girl reaches her adolescence, she is asked not to come in front of strangers especially men because of the same fear. And I believe it is the patriarchal society that has made certain men feel that they can abuse their rights and power and take advantage of other people, especially young children and women. This abuse of power is what paves way for inequality, violence, sexual abuse and all sorts of other abuse and the feeling of being inadequate in women and even in some men.

I found a beautiful article on patriarchy and here is an excerpt from it that I loved a lot-

Psychological patriarchy is the dynamic between those qualities deemed “masculine” and “feminine” in which half of our human traits are exalted while the other half is devalued. Both men and women participate in this tortured value system. Psychological patriarchy is a “dance of contempt,” a perverse form of connection that replaces true intimacy with complex, covert layers of dominance and submission, collusion and manipulation. It is the unacknowledged paradigm of relationships that has suffused Western civilization generation after generation, deforming both sexes, and destroying the passionate bond between them.

You can read the full article here.

I am still exploring this concept and trying to dig deeper into it so I'll probably share more of my findings in some time. What are your views on the topic? What do you think patriarchy is really about? Do share your views in the comments below. Thank you for your love and support.

Love and light,

Sharoon.

I am running a writing contest with 5SBD up for grabs for the winner so if any of you would like to participate in it, click on the following link:

Shary's Writing Prompt Contest #2

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