How Positive Stereotypes can Make Life Difficult

Being surrounded by scores of stereotypes is not easy and I think a lot of you can relate to that.

'Boys do not cry'

'Girls should only cook'

'You are a woman, you do not need to think about going to space.'

'Why do you want to learn how to cook, you are a boy?'

I have heard and experienced these stereotypes way too many times in my life. And not just these, but the ones that remind you of how a certain ethnicity is dumb or unfaithful and how silly you are if you are native to a certain region have made me go crazy as well. However, that's not what I'll be talking about today. Today, I will be sharing my two, rather twenty cents on how difficult your life can become because of some positive stereotypes.

I was going through an article by Kumari Deverajan that highlighted the downsides of positive stereotypes. Things like you are likely to be good at math because you are an Asian or because you are black, you'll be great at basketball is what I am talking about. Saying good things to someone is not bad at all. In fact, it is great to boost their morale and improves their self-esteem. However, when that praise is turned into a stereotype and gets linked to your race, nationality or ethnicity or even gender, somehow all the good related to that positive trait starts to drain. I have been thinking about it for a long time especially since I started discovering myself and the difference between what's actually right or wrong. @likedeeler, you have inspired me a lot to do that :). Today, I felt I had better clarity on the subject and should talk about it as well. Here is why I feel stereotypes, even the shiny, positive ones aren't as healthy as we perceive them to be.

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Why Positive Stereotypes aren't often So Positive

If you tell a girl she is supposed to be great at sewing clothes because she is a girl or an Asian that he is supposed to be excellent at mathematics because he is an Asian, you are basically telling that person that you know how he/ she is and functions and that too based on something he/ she is born with and cannot change. I mean it is just silly. I cannot bring myself to tell my son that he is supposed to be brave just because he is a boy or that he since he is a Muslim, he is the best just because of that.

Moreover, not everyone is the same so a black guy may not be as good at basketball like his brother and an Asian may not be as good at physics as an American. When you keep shoving a positive stereotype in the face of a person, you put undue pressure on him/ her to be a certain way and I think that's just not fair. For instance, I don't tell my son that he is not supposed to pursue his passion for doing makeup or dressing up because he is a boy. You see personally, I do not like when he takes too much interest in makeup and I realize that it is because of the gender stereotypes I have grown around with, but I do not tell him to stop touching it because I want him to grow into an independent thinker not someone who has been taught by mummy how to think.

Also, when you tell someone that they must be good at something because they are supposed to, you somehow make them feel inadequate especially if they are going through problems within. Like a girl may not be good at managing her house and may want to keep a maid to do that, but telling her that just because she is a woman, she ought to be great at managing her house may feel suffocated from within. I am saying that because this resonates with me.

I had always thought of becoming a housewife and a stay at home but it was only after becoming a content writer and getting the taste of writing for real, I realized that was my real calling. My husband and I had no problems with me giving less time to the house and working more also because it was the need of the hour and because he is amazing. However, some pesky aunties around me just couldn't keep their mouth shut and kept telling me how it was not nice to have a messy house because I am a woman and must be good at keeping the house tidy. Oh what load of crap. I mean yeah a tidy house is great and I should work on maintaining it but not because I am a woman, but because I want to do it. I was forced into depression for sometime because of the many so-called positive stereotypes around me, but luckily I came out of that.

Now I see many young kids going through the same. People keep telling my son that just because he is a boy, he should always be brave and just because he goes to school, he must know all his manners and it isn't right for him to throw a tantrum and when I hear them say such stuff, I roll my eyes in my head because I try not to be judgmental verbally and then I am like, it's okay, just let him experience and embrace what he is going through.

In addition, often positive stereotypes bring up negative ones. For instance, if black people are supposed to be good at sports, they cannot be great at academics and if you see a black guy acing his exams, you may be surprised but if you see him doing well at a sport, you would be like yeah, that's okay because he is black. This mentality is quite crappy and I just do not sport it. Yes, your race and ethnicity do contribute to some of your talents and shortcomings but that's not it. You are capable of just so much more and can absolutely do or not do anything. However, the many stereotypes around us don't make this something easy to do.

Despite all the difficulties, I think we can start bringing a positive change by accepting people for who they are and not putting any sort of pressure on them by putting any stereotypical label on them. Just let them be who they want to be and then see how they will flourish. I am trying to do this a lot with my son and I am already seeing great improvements in him. What do you think about the topic? Have you been subjected to any stereotypes, positive or negative that ruined you in some way? Do share your thoughts in comments below and thank you for your support.

Love and light,

Sharoon

I am running a writing contest with 5SBD up for grabs for the winner so if any of you would like to participate in it, click on the following link:

Shary's Writing Prompt Contest #1

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