Relationship Tips #10 How to Show Love by Listening?

Quality Time - Quality Conversation

If your loved one primary love language is Quality Time, Quality Conversation could be his/her dialect.

Learn the key differences between Quality Conversation and a normal conversation.
Learn why your loved one is asking for Quality Conversation
Learn how to give Quality Conversation as an act of love

Don't know your loved one primary love language yet? Request him/her to take this quiz to find out. I strongly encourage you to take the quiz as well.

Story Time

My wife comes home every day, telling her problems at her workplace to me. I listened and I offer her my solutions. Her colleagues keep pushing their work to her and she can't say "No!". I told her she needs to report to her boss and learn to say "NO!".

The next day, she comes home and tell me the same problem again. I asked her, "Did you do what I told you?". She shakes her head.

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The same repeated for 3 days. I got frustrated and shouted at her "Do not expect sympathy from me if you don't do what I told you. You're not doing anything to solve your problem. Don't tell me anything unless you take my advice."

So, what do you think the wife actually wants from the husband?

The wife solely wants her husband to listen to her, to understand what she's going through, and to understand her feelings, her emotions.

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Quality Conversation is different with Words of Affirmation

Words of Affirmation focusses on what we're saying.
Quality Conversation focusses on what we're listening.

We forget marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.
By Dr. Gary Chapman

A relationship needs empathetic listening and understanding your partner's thoughts and emotions. The ability to be in their position.

Sometimes, we know what to do, but we just need someone to listen, to understand deeply how we feel. When someone says to me, "I feel you", I felt like there's someone out there who really listens, really understood and seriously care about me.

Listening attentively is an act of love.

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However, few of us are trained to listen. We are always trained in thinking and speaking. I used to be someone who just can't listen. However, throughout my "training", I have learned a few simple techniques that have improved my listening skills and create Quality Conversations.

How to Create Quality Conversation?

First and foremost, Refuse to Interrupt. Shut up and listen.
Imagine yourself in the shoes of your partner. In other words, Be Present.
Ask Questions. Find out more about what, why, how, when, where. This shows that you're listening and you care.
Maintain eye contact. Self-explanatory.
Ask "What do you feel?". This is so important, I have to single it out of #3. Show to your partner that you care about feelings.
Give Focussed Attention. Stop everything and give 100% attention.
Observe body language. Clenched fist, scratching hands, biting teeth, eye movements give you clues on what they're feeling. Sometimes body language speaks on language, while words speak another.

This could be tiring, I know but if you do this right (and consistently), your partner's love tank will overflow! When they're happy, you're happy too 😇

Q: When was the last time you have (really) listened?

This Relationship Tips series include practical how's and what's of speaking your partner's love language. If your partner's love language is Physical Touch and Quality Time, I will share firsthand experiences of what I've done and its results :)

Relationship Tips is one of my initiative to help people improve their relationship based on a book I was reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and my experiences.

Check out my series here:

I believe having a good relationship will carve a positive path in all areas of your life. This belief is backed up by an 80 year-old research by Harvard University.

@tifaong writes simple and positive practices and ideas that you can learn (or re-learn) and apply in your life immediately. She covers life lessons, self-help, relationships, positive thinking and self-love. Her mission is to spread positivity so that we can live a happier life.

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