Verbal aikido is a technique derived from aikido as a martial art. The latter was born in modern Japan, by the hand of a combat master named Morihei Ueshiba. It is based on the principle that in situations of conflict what should be sought is the neutralization of the opponent, avoiding harm.
Like all martial arts, aikido is not just about combat techniques. At the bottom of this there is a whole philosophy. Its executors seek, above all, personal evolution. They involve the physical, mental and spiritual plane in practice. They do not disparage their opponents, but try to understand them and learn from them.
Based on these principles, a group of authors began to seek their application in the communication. Thus they developed the concept of verbal aikido. They found that it is an excellent way to avoid and / or process everyday conflicts. It is exercised to bring more peace, serenity and happiness to life. Like any technique, it is something that can be learned and the greatest benefits come with practice.
"Violence is the last resort of the incompetent."
-Isaac Asimov-
THE VERBAL AIKIDO AND THE RESPONSE TO AN AGGRESSION
The promoters of verbal aikido indicate that when receiving a verbal aggression, the primary thing is to preserve our own well-being. A verbal attack can unleash a hurricane of emotions and confuse the mind. That is why it is essential to maintain serenity and focus on the purpose of solving the problem, not enlarging it.
The first thing then is not to react automatically, but rather to use the force of the attack to make a turn. This should place us in the same place where our attacker is looking. Instead of looking at it from the opposite shore, the idea is to try to see what this person is looking at.
This is only achieved if instead of worrying about reacting, we take care of listening. Try to understand your point of view. Let's see an example of this verbal aikido. Someone launches the following verbal attack: "You have a lousy job performance and still the bosses treat you better than me." Using the technique of verbal aikido, the answer would be: "It is very frustrating to work well and feel that they do not give us enough recognition. I understand your anger perfectly. "
In this example it is avoided to enter to discuss about the person to whom the attack is directed. Rather, it responds by putting oneself in the place of the other. This locates the conflict in other terms. Almost always, behind a verbal attack there is a person who is suffering. Sometimes aggression, even if it is a dysfunctional form, is also a way of asking for help.
TECHNIQUES OF THE AIKIDO VERBAL
The verbal aikido contemplates some specific techniques to face an attack. These are mechanisms that have proven to be effective in dealing with these types of situations. They are inspired by martial art movements.
The main techniques are the following:
* Consent and yield. It is used when the attack does not really put us at risk and has become repetitive. The work is more internal and consists in preventing the verbal attack from causing us harm.
* Yield and stay in the starting position. It implies recognizing that in the exposure of the other there may be part of reason, but keep the point of view and make it known. It is suitable for a mental or intellectual dispute.
* Flatter. It is used when the disagreement originates in the desire of the other to be superior. The compliment or flattery deactivates the aggressiveness, since it satisfies the desire of the aggressor.
* Detoxifying replica. It implies responding to aggression with a question mark. This has two advantages. On the one hand, it allows the other to evaluate the reasonableness of the attack. On the other hand, it gives us a small margin of time to calm down and not react violently as well. It is suitable when there are hard personal offenses.
* Objective verification. It consists of letting the other see that we notice his discomfort towards us. At the same time, express that we want to resolve the difference through a healthy communication. Equivalent to a formula: "I notice that you are uncomfortable with my idea, but I would like to explain to you why I think in this way".
* Confrontation. It is a technique to put a stop or brake to a lack of respect or excessive verbal aggression. It corresponds to something like this: "I may have made a mistake, but you have no right to treat me that way, that's why I demand an apology."
* Moderate the tone. In this case, what is sought is to make the other aware that there is an offense and that he is not going to admit it. It is equivalent to: "If you continue to speak to me in those terms (or in that tone), I will terminate this conversation."
Finally, what verbal aikido seeks is an intelligent management of conflict. Without spending energy on what does not deserve it and spending only what is necessary. Ideally, we should learn to count to 10 first, not to react aggressively, and then apply some of those effective techniques.
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