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Life isnt a straight line

61
6 years ago
in#life

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Sometimes I am very lost. Right now I am. The more I follow my passion, the more I walk on the unknown ground and some days it feels like I am flying without seeing where to land. I don’t know where I am heading. But I can see the possibilities and that they are many.
Sometimes I am losing the connection with my life around me. The relationships I have are in need of a new definition. I feel that I am longing for a new way to live. My inner thrive is toward a focused work routine and freedom from rules and expectations.

Relationship

I think the moment we start to feel uncomfortable or irritated with someone, we have given it up on some level. When we rather spend time away from each other than with, we are looking for something else. To be totally honest, this period right now is one of the most challenging I have had so far. And somehow I feel like giving up certain relationships. But I feel guilty about my behavior and why I choose to not believe in them. Because I KNOW that it all starts in my own mind and what I choose to think and how I choose to act towards other people. And then there are other days or moments when I feel that I just love everyone around me and want to spend all my time with them because we are having so much fun and sharing a lot of joy. I feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty? Because I feel responsible, for our future, and what would happen if I wasn't in the other person's life. I feel that I am carrying our relationship in my hands and that I just need to change my own mindset and behavior. I am just so disconnected at the moment, that I can’t find the decision to go 100% for our relationship and work things out.

Moving

We have moved away from our usual surroundings, and I was hoping this would help us coming closer again. And yes, there are many moments that we are very close, and then we are falling back to an unfriendly behavior that feels like toxic.

Reality

Let's talk honest about relationships. A relationship is the hardest thing and at the same time the most wonderful thing in life. We need them to develop as human beings. Without them, we feel stuck and isolated. We don’t need many relationship, in fact, I think we only can have a true and deep relationship with very few people in our lives. The most spiritual and developing relationship we have is the one we have with our beloved ones. Our children and partner. What happens when we start to act childish and unfriendly towards the people around us? Is it when they pull our buttons to unsolved pain inside us? When our pain inside us is finding an outflow and a save surrounding, we act it out in destructive ways.

Truth

I am afraid of my own truth, of choosing my own path. In my life, I have always waited for someone else to take the final decision to go forward. With this said, I can see that I have given away my own power in the hands of others. I don’t want to hurt. I am afraid of it. And I am afraid of taking my own full responsibility for my life, and being independent from others. I have felt attached to other people since I left home when I was 18. Why am I afraid of my own power?
I even feel that now when I am longing for more independence I am still looking for attention from others. When I imagine myself taking the step to my own life, I am frightened of being alone because I am moving on the unknown ground.

Now

We don’t know where we are heading, we dont know if we are living tomorrow and what is waiting. So focus on this moment only.

Much love to you all!

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Love, Niina

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Thank you all! ❤
I want to inspire you to live your dreams, eat delicious, wholesome, nourishing, healthy food, and keep a creative mind. We all can do that, now!❤

Health starts inside our mind.

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6 years ago
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