Relationship Tips #19 Love Is A Choice

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"I just don't love you anymore. I don't have feelings for you anymore."

It's heart-breaking to hear your husband telling this to you.

Thousands of marriages break because either one just don't love the other anymore. They get married during the "in-love" experience and when the emotional high went down, 2 things will happen. Either the emotional needs are meet and not meet.

During the "in-love" experience, our emotional needs are met instinctively. We strongly believe our relationship will last and we'll be happy. After the "in-love" experience, it comes down to our choice, whether we choose to speak her love language, or not. Love became a conscious choice that you need to make every day.

"Speaking her love language doesn't come naturally to me? What should I do?"

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If you're asking this question, I'll answer "So what?". Every day we do things that doesn't come naturally to us. We get out of bed when we're so damn sleepy, but we still get out because we know we gotta work. We talk to people that we don't like but we still talk to them because we need to get the job done.

So you gotta speak her love language even if it doesn't come naturally to you. Why?

Simply because you love her.

You're doing this for her, not for yourself.

"Does that mean I need to change myself?"

Yes and No. In fact, this question is asked by my boyfriend. I think he said something like "I don't feel like myself when I do this for you". His question got me into thinking real deep.

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Why did he said such thing?
Does this mean I am forcing change on him?
Maybe I've crossed his line, if so, what is his line?

Then I've realized, the choice of speaking my love language has to come from within himself. If I demand, I am forcing him to do things that he doesn't usually do. At that point, he'll feel forced and not being himself. But if I request him to do it properly AND with love, he can choose to do it as an expression of love, or not to do it.

Yes, because he is doing things that usually he wouldn't do to meet my emotional needs. No, because I'm not forcing the change. He has the choice.

I've learned the art of request, not demand from Dr Gary Chapman who wrote the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

I make the choice of showing love to my loved one every day and hope that he will reciprocate (which he did 😁)

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Don't know your partner's love language? Request them to take the quiz here!

This Relationship Tips series include practical how's and what's of speaking your partner's love language. If your partner's love language is Physical Touch and Quality Time, I will share firsthand experiences of what I've done and its results :)

Relationship Tips is one of my initiative to help people improve their relationship based on a book I was reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and my experiences.

Check out my series here:

I believe having a good relationship will carve a positive path in all areas of your life. This belief is backed up by an 80 year-old research by Harvard University.

@tifaong writes simple and positive practices and ideas that you can learn (or re-learn) and apply in your life immediately. She covers life lessons, self-help, relationships, positive thinking self-love. Her mission is to spread positivity so that we can live a happier life.

Check out her profile here to find out more 😁

She has committed to post daily, so rest assured that you will find something new everyday.

Relationship Tips #19 Love Is A Choice

"I just don't love you anymore. I don't have feelings for you anymore."

"Speaking her love language doesn't come naturally to me? What should I do?"

"Does that mean I need to change myself?"

Don't know your partner's love language? Request them to take the quiz here!

Getting Started with Love Language

Love Language #1 Words of Affirmation

Love Language #2 Quality Time

Love Language #3 Receiving Gifts

Love Language #4 Acts of Service

Love Language #5 Physical Touch